Thoughts

You know the feeling you get after you did something, and then when you reflect, you wonder what could've been if you did it differently, or simply not did it at all. Wondering if things would've be the same. Maybe you ponder whether making the decision to act now would cause the same effect now if you were going to act a few months/years down the road.

Is it regret? Not totally. In a way, it is because of how things turned out, losing something that I cherished, something that I would probably do anything to have back. I guess I didn't expect things to turn out the way they did, but at the same time, risks and rewards. I guess in this instance, the risk was big, but the reward could've been bigger, who knows (well, God knows...) At the same time, losing what I had, in a way, taken for granted, really put things into perspective. While it will probably never be the same, I can only pray and hope that one day down the road, maybe things will somehow right itself. I keep reminding myself, can't lose what I never had, but at the same time, if I let you go, will dreams come true? Maybe tomorrow, when you tell me you love me, maybe the puzzle of my heart will be solved. Am I being a fool again, but it seems loneliness knows me by name, while world of our own seems so far away. One day, hopefully, if its written in the stars, you'll find out why do I love you, and never having to feel I'm missing loving you again.

While its been rough, extremely tough at times, maybe its just the way I need to be taught, learning that its not on my timing and in my will, but rather in His timing. It is not about writing my own story, but giving Him the pen and paper for Him to mold me. I pray that I will continue to seek to know Him more and to be more like Him.