My whole experience

I am totally speechless, I don't really know what to say or tell. I guess reflecting back on the past 4 months of worship practices, planning meetings, I have just so many things to be thankful for. Yet I still have so many regrets, the things I could've done, or should've done, and that is the part of me that is speaking right now.

I mean it was a honour to serve God at TC, but what I look back at it, did I really give it my all? Thinking back, I would have to say no, I didn't. There is so much things that people told me, shared with me, and just taught me prior to leading the worship team, from focus alot more on the prayer aspect, and worry less about the whole idea of mad practice. All these advice came from people who have done worship before, yet I have decided not to listen, not to stand firm during practices and just go with the flow. Experience means alot, yet I chose to do it my way, not entrusting the whole thing in His hand. Until the days of TC, my pride has gotten the better of me, believing that we can pull this out. It was so wrong of me to even think about that. All things is possible through Him, and nothing is possible without Him. How did I even begin to think that we can do it on our own? How could I have let this happen? Having opportunities infront of me to just truely share and pray together, and I choose to be soft-hearted and go with the flow. Especially with the entire team being new at this, the advices from past TC Worship leaders should be followed, and yet I have chosen to turn my back on them and go down my own path. Sorry God, I let You down. There is no excuses for any of this, I guess all I can do is let this be a life lesson to truely rely on God, no matter what we do. I have learned to trust You completely through this experience.
I guess Tim put it perfectly. "Go and enjoy this experience. Don't let this be like be all and end all. If it goes well, then give all praise to God, but if it doesn't go well, let it be a lesson and learn from it" (para-phrased)

Now the unhappy part is outta here, I guess I can really and truely give praise to God for what He has done this week. Yeah, things went wrong, sometimes I was flat (well...not only sometimes, most of the time), or we didn't come in at the right spot, whatever, but I really think that is not the point. I guess its not about what could have been better, but more like we did what God asked us to do and thats the best thing there is right? Mistakes were made, lessons are learned, but I think God truely used us and mold us this past 4 months. Our first "team meeting" occured at Jeff's house, where too much pasta was made, and Josh and his famous quote "Did your birds come in this colour or did you dye them that way". We know its an honest question Josh, and yes, it was funny, but hey man, this type of thing happens to everyone once in awhile, whats SO WORSE about it? (sorry rec =þ) From that day where I almost set Jeff's house on fire, pooling in his rec room, or trying to play street-fighter with the DDR pad, something inside me felt that our team was truely in God's master plan. At first, for those who doesn't know, Cindy and I was suppose to be leading the senior team (as in the other team: Melissa, Joyce, RenMin, Troy, Darren, Ernest), but it was switched for some unknown reason. Anyways, it was just amazing to see how God just molded our team to what we are now. We might (ARE) not be the perfect team with the perfect singers, or the perfect guitarist, but God used our talents to its fullest. He used the limited talents I have as a singer to sing praises to Him. He used Jeff's talent of singing and playing at the same time to its fullest. The list goes on and on for the entire team. He truely anonited each one of us on the team to our places, truely used us for his purposes. Throughout the four months, God has not only used us, He also broke us down and build us back up. Through-out these four months, He used each one of us to truely minister to one another, being an example to one another, and just having someone beside us who can truely walk with us in our spiritual walk. Words cannot justify in how thankful I am to God for how much He provided for us. Not only each other, but also Sam. Sam (THE Sam Wong) has helped as so much in regards to what worship really is. He brought our team together both musically and spiritually. His guidance throughout the four monthes cannot be replaced and will not be forgotten. His dedication to our team, the countless hours he spent with us youngins could've been spent else where, but his faithfulness to God's service brought him here, and he did it from his heart, and for that I am truely in awe. Sam has set an example for me to how to worship, but also as an example of a humble servant who does not take credit for what he does, but rather he gives all the glory to God.

Wow, this has been a long blog, and I'm not even done. This is meant to be kind of a personal note to God too, so basically you are reading into my heart through this blog, how I truely feel (and felt). I will blog more later. And yes, some parts seems like they weren't tied together very well, that is because my mind was just jumping so fast from place to place. I will finish later.